Trouble followed Laxman Sivaramakrishnan early, even before he became known on the field. Not just race, but whispers about drinking stuck to him by his teens. Once called a future star of Indian cricket, people began calling him names instead. While teammates moved forward, he stood trapped under rumors – booze, drugs, things never proven. Every match brought pressure, yes – but also sideways glances that cut deeper than losses. Then came the quiet days, long stretches where getting out of bed felt impossible. The game expected energy; inside, everything had gone numb. Fame arrived fast, yet so did pain no one saw coming. Though talent sparkled bright at first, shadows grew alongside it. What started as promise ended up tangled in silence and sorrow.
Starting out so young, he played for India at seventeen, then faced endless claims that chipped away his name. Speaking with The Indian Express, the ex-spinner shared how those repeated accusations weighed on life beyond cricket. Marriage talks stalled, even though he wore the national jersey. A tough stretch, one rumour after another shaping people’s views.
Truth travels fast, especially the ugly kind. Between sixteen and nineteen, that’s when my shows ran. Picture a hotel bartender sliding me a drink – how did they miss the age gap back then? Not once have I touched any drug, ever. Later on, after years gone by, I’ve shared a beer or two – never refused one, truth be told. Yet think how it feels when someone labels a nineteen-year-old as hooked on booze, trapped in addiction,” he remarked.
Funny thing happened once – Sivaramakrishnan told of his parents putting out a marriage ad that boasted he played Test cricket and owned an apartment, listing just a mailbox for replies. After waiting fourteen days, they checked the box only to find it completely empty.
“It meant people had made my reputation so terrible that nobody wanted to let their daughter marry me,” he revealed.
Exit From Indian Cricket
Shattered, he walked away from the Indian team under strange circumstances. Word spread the selectors wanted him to claim poor fitness kept him out, not form. He did not agree to say it. Their request fell apart when he stayed silent.
“A day after I returned home from the 1987 World Cup, the Tamil Nadu selectors called me in. They asked me to tell the press I was unfit. I said I won’t. I will not make things easy for you. If you want, you drop me.”
Once his playing days were over in 1987, Sivaramakrishnan began speaking about cricket matches. For many seasons he became someone fans often heard during IPL games; however, when the pandemic hit and everything shut down, his mind struggled deeply.
Struggles With Depression
“I was down completely and I didn’t want to see myself in the mirror. I would have a couple of drinks and go to sleep because I couldn’t bear anything. Whenever I was awake, I thought I was going to die.”
Falling asleep felt impossible without a drink – he finally said so. Thoughts of ending it all showed up now and then.
“Sometimes when we were travelling in Dubai, there’s no speed limit. If the vehicle went very fast, something in my mind would tell me to just open the door and jump out. Somehow, something stopped me from doing anything silly.”
Heavy pressure on his mind made shapes appear where none existed. A breaking point arrived when visions slipped into what he saw.
“You close your eyes, you see images you can’t imagine-all very frightening. You open your eyes, there’s nothing. But you’re so tired that you want to sleep. You close your eyes again, then open them, and there goes your sleep.”
Reflecting on his struggles, Sivaramakrishnan said: “Every time, you manage to tangle yourself tighter and tighter. And you have the whole world outside saying, ‘See, I told you. Liquor is the reason. I told you.’”
