4 min readNew DelhiMay 22, 2026 03:00 PM IST
Many conversations about marriage and parenting still assume that one partner sacrifices more while the other “supports.” But increasingly, couples are speaking about relationships as a series of evolving choices, negotiations, and shared responsibilities rather than fixed roles. Balancing work, caregiving, personal ambitions, and identity can become especially complex when children enter the picture, often requiring couples to repeatedly adjust who steps forward and who steps back at different stages of life.
Actor Jyotika recently reflected on how her marriage with Suriya functions through mutual compromise rather than one-sided support. Speaking about parenting and managing professional commitments, she said, “I think a marriage is all about balance. And it’s not about just him supporting me. It’s also about me supporting him when he leaves for work, and I take care of the house. I choose to do lesser work. I choose to sit back when it’s important. And he sits back when I have to leave for an outdoor schedule. There’s always one of us at home with the kids. So I think a marriage has to be hand in glove. It has to work in a balanced way.”
She also spoke about how women’s identities are often filtered through the people around them rather than viewed independently. Reflecting on this, she said, “If I say that I feel lucky to have married Suriya, people say that he’s a really nice guy. If he says that he feels lucky to have married a nice woman, the conversation is once again like Suriya is such a nice guy that he’s thinking of his wife. Sometimes, it reaches a level where you may have an identity crisis. There are hundreds of instances that I can point out.”
Her comments touch on themes many families relate to: balancing individual aspirations with family responsibilities, navigating shifting roles after marriage and children, and maintaining a sense of self within a partnership. While every relationship operates differently, the conversation raises broader questions about emotional labour, identity, and what a healthy partnership looks like over time.
In long-term relationships, how can couples distinguish between healthy compromise and silent self-sacrifice?
Counselling psychologist Athul Raj tells indianexpress.com, “Healthy compromise still allows a person to feel emotionally present inside the relationship. Silent self-sacrifice slowly makes someone suppress their own needs so consistently that eventually they stop expressing them altogether. In many Indian marriages, especially after children, one partner’s adjustments become so normalised that nobody pauses to acknowledge the emotional cost behind them.”
The issue is not sacrifice itself. “Every long relationship demands adjustment. The problem begins when one person repeatedly bends while the other person’s ambitions remain protected. Years later, people often realise they were functioning constantly but not feeling emotionally seen. That is usually where resentment quietly begins,” states Raj.
Children also observe these dynamics very closely. They notice whose work gets interrupted, whose stress is prioritised, and who is expected to absorb pressure silently. These everyday patterns shape how they understand relationships later in life.
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‘Identity shift’ after marriage or parenthood
According to Raj, identity shifts psychologically when people receive validation mainly through caregiving. After marriage or motherhood, many women slowly stop being recognised as individuals with separate ambitions, emotional complexity, and personal inner lives. In our culture, selflessness in women is often admired so deeply that personal needs begin to feel selfish.
“Over time, people can lose connection with parts of themselves they once felt alive in. Maintaining a sense of self requires protecting spaces where identity exists outside responsibility. Meaningful work, friendships, solitude, creativity, and financial independence all help emotionally. Nobody should feel they have to lose themselves completely just to keep the family running,” concludes the expert.
